Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Why I hate my pets.

1: They seem to think it's fun to hide and then destroy my underwear.
2: They wake me up at all hours of the night.  This is due to thundering up and down the stairs.
3: They drink out of the toilet, and then want to lick my face.
4: They sneeze in my mouth.
5: They smell like spit, and crap.
6: They knock over my cactus.
7: They chew on my i-pod headphones.
8: They love to cuddle with my clean laundry, and get it full of cat hair.  This happens amazingly fast. Within minutes of me leaving said clothes unattended.
9: They, somehow, move my shoes around, and my huge pregnant self has grunt and wheeze my way onto the floor to fish them out from under the futon.
10: They try to claw me when I'm taking a bath.
11: They stare at me when I'm doing anything else in the bathroom, and then show no interest in being in the bathroom when I leave.
12: They run into the back porch when I am getting a new bowl of food for them, and then refuse to come back into the main part of the house.  Why? I have no idea. It's damned cold back there.
13: One is scared beyond belief of us while we are awake, but then wants to purr and sit on our faces while we are sleeping.
14: One is so stupid that she eats anything that she can swallow.  Including yarn, balls of my hair, garlic, etc.
15: One likes to take flying leaps onto my arm, with fully extended claws.  It's amazing how deep those things can go into your skin.
16: They shit all over my basement.
17: They pull the strings out of hoodies.
18: They claw my clothes that are hanging in the closet.
19: They jump on the table, and counter all the time!While on the table and/or counter, they knock over my knife blocks, and eat my bamboo, and lick my spice containers.
20: They are too cute for me to get rid of them.

4 comments:

  1. That is the best list ever! No. 20 is the ohsotruest of true. Specially when out of no where they start chasing their own tails, spinning endlessly, which is entertaining for you to watch and keeps them out of your hair!

    ReplyDelete